Thursday, 25 August 2016

The corporate toilette

I work since forever inside the corporate world. Big companies, big business, lot of people everywhere. Is like we say it Romania (and I will translate this for you 'cause I do not know any equivalent in English): you can not release a fart without anyone else not knowing it. So any move you make, any fart you take, somebody (not the same person each time) will be there watching or hearing you.


Lots of people, means crowded toilets. In the company where I used to work before, 80% of the personel were women. So you can imagine that there was almost not a single chance to go to the toilette and find it empty, you know, just to have the chance to express yourself. No, no, no, no, no. Each time, when life was smilling to you and by pure luck noone was there, somebody had to enter the space bringing the dark cloud inhibitions for you. Shitting mission aborded. I cannot do that with somebody else next to me.

In my opinion the toilette must be your own private world, where you can go and enjoy you time even if it is for 5-10 minutes, listen to some music, staring at your toes, relaxing. The place where the great ideas should come from, the place when even the queen goes by herself.

Have you ever been in the situation when you were in the toilette cubicle and someone next to you is shitting or farting? I am sure you have been there. Remember your reaction? Because I remember mine. The second that the sound is released on the other cubicle and it takes me by surprise I stifle my laughing and instinctively I start staring at the other person's shoes, because, you know, later you will have the chance to go in the office and detect that "bitch" that had the nerve to fart in the toilette.  Childish, I know, but I am sure I am not the only one out there. And the story does not end here. At the same moment I .....hide my legs and wait for the other one to leave. Why? Because I do not want the other person to have any prove of me being there and whitnessing her nature taking it's course. In this situation I am as "mature" as I can be. Next time I should take a selfie to see my face in that moment.

The other extreme solution that I adopt is to "pack by bags" as fast as I can, faster than "purple sound machine" person next to me, of course, so that the sink encounter and the complaisance smile would be avoided. You will NEVER want to make eye contact with one of you delicate office colleagues freshly after she threw up a fart concert next to you.

Remember, you will always have the advantage of your mind photography of her shoes. You will go in the office and you will see those shoes, knowing that you and the person attached to them, had shared a memorable moment.